Three Days of Horror
It’s been a damn hard week and guess what it’s just Tuesday. A weekend of sleepless nights and fatigue-filled days left me enthused and energetic to start eating right and taking care of my body until I woke up muggy Monday morning with a killer back pain beneath my neck preventing me from doing anything of worth that day. A day of intense stabbing turned into an afternoon of considering myself clinically depressed due to a sense of worthlessness because I have no purpose, no direction, unsure of where my passion lies anymore. A night of an untimely loss for the team and the sport I scream for. I looked ahead to better days. Better days turned into a chance at reconciliation with someone whose silence has been on my heart for years, and my timely running into her in person and everywhere online has led me to offer up my pride. A morning greeted seeing her in the Kanye West video, a late morning wondering if I should and an afternoon spent sending a message of encouragement and friendliness. Eight hours have passed and wasted away as I waste away at a job that seemed promising but just promises emptiness. A sunset of no response, a night of a horrible fight, a drive home into the darkness and so many thoughts racing through my mind I stop just past the limit line and the red light camera flashes twice. The hours ticking to midnight show no relief as I pace and worry about a ticket. 21 minutes until midnight and no response from her, I see she does not care and I should stop caring but I’m the type that always cares. 20 minutes now propped up on my elbows, back aching again. A night of crying and I don’t know what this was if not to document the crappy three days I’ve been going through and all I can do is lay on my back and cry “Why God Why.”
Don’t worry dear… sometimes reaching out means getting rejected but at least you can walk away from the situation knowing that you tried to make peace and if there’s any angst left in the situation, it’s all in their head cuz you’re truly over it. I’m sorry you had such a crapful day though. But what would the good ones be if you didnt have this to compare them with? Tomorrow is a new day, and who knows? Maybe she’s still pondering on what to say to you because she doesnt know immediately, how to respond…
